Ironic
by cutekitty5597
Summary: [Post Game] Isn't it a Wonderful World ?


Despite the heaviness in her body and eyes, sleep doesn't come easy to Shiki. In the limbo between dreams and thoughts for what seemed forever, she gives up.

Rubbing her eyes, she doesn't dare to turn on the light even though she hates the dark. Once again she's glad of the light pollution that Tokyo has. Despite the heavy curtains they had bought, Shiki can still make out the faint form of Neku, who is lying flat on his face unaware to her troubles.

Clutching her hands, Shiki pulls her knees up under her chin, curling herself up as small as possible, hoping that in some way it might protect the thoughts ploughing her mind.

_I really wish he hadn't told me._

After what seemed like a lifetime of pestering Neku, it was only after they had been dating for two years that he gave in to her inquisitions.

"_I don't know why you seem so interested." Neku says grumpily as he places the take away bag on to the counter top._

_Shiki shrugs, "I'm just curious." Laying out the food, she continues. "I mean, I missed two whole weeks, and I'm getting nothing out of Beat and Joshua."_

_Neku's grumpiness fades as he chuckles at the face Shiki is unconsciously pulling. "Well, you know curiosity killed the cat and you're pouting."_

_Shiki whips round to face her boyfriend, "I am not!" She exclaims, turning red. "Anyway, you didn't answer my question."_

"_I sort of had to pay a penalty… well, yeah I can't participate in the Reaper's Game again," he states, unaware of Shiki's reaction._

_Shiki freezes and carefully places the dish(for the stray cat that comes to their apartment) down with shaking hands, "Oh is that it?" She asks, trying to keep her voice as level as possible._

_Neku furrows his brow, "Yeah, come on, let's eat."_

_Shiki smiles and nods, trying desperately to not let the thought that has taken over her mind show on her face._

_If he dies, he's not coming back._

Gulping, she reaches her hand out and touches his wrist. Gently turning it over, she rests her fingers on his pulse. This has become a strange ritual for Shiki, something she has to do to make sure he's still there.

When she can't find it, she breaks out into a cold sweat. Gently sliding her fingers over his wrist, her movements become more frantic, not caring of the danger of waking him up.

Moving her hand, she reaches for the pulse on his neck but is stopped. Neku gently pulls her closer to him, cradling her head.

"I'm still here Shiki," he whispers. But with no response, he gently takes her hand and rests it on his neck, and Shiki relaxes as she feels the regular pulse of his heartbeat.

"I know I shouldn't have told you," he says softly stroking her hair, "you worry too much."

Shiki tilts her head back. "But you won't come back next time," her voice cracks as she whispers the dreaded sentence that haunts her.

Neku can't help but exasperatedly sigh, "Trust me, Shiki I'm going to be here for a while, I promise."

Shiki nods reluctantly and knowing she is not comforted, Neku turns on his side, her ear pressed against his chest as she is lulled to sleep by the rhythm of his heart.

XxxxX

Shiki finds it ironic that he dies 3 months later. It isn't a dramatic death, no car crash, no bank shooting, no saving children a blazing fire. It was a simple blood clot in the wrong place. Shiki also finds it ironic that his beautiful mind, the one that helped him survive through the games, is the one that kills him.

It's not that Shiki doesn't cry; she's not the type to be stoic and cold and bottle up all her feelings. She first cried when they told her over the phone that Neku had collapsed in the street and was in critical condition. Then at his bedside, after she had rushed out of the flat, with Eri calling after her, and when he was pronounced dead at 3:32 pm, less than two hours after he collapsed. The tears didn't stop.

The only time they do is when they meet Joshua, and instead of crying, Shiki punches him. She's not exactly sure why, but she thinks it's the fact that she blames him for not allowing Neku back into the games, or the fact that Joshua actually looks sad. Maybe it's both.

Hand smiting, Shiki chokes on her own breath and tries to stop herself from crying this time out of pain and slight frustration. Her eyes are raw and red and the grief is starting to physically hurt. Not that she minds that much; she's finally starting to feel something tangible.

She vaguely recalls Rhyme holding her back, not that she's much of a threat to Joshua, who instead of backing away, approaches and grabs her by the shoulders.

"I'm sorry Shiki, but some rules can't be broken."

Shiki doesn't remember what she says next, except that it includes several insults and a lot of shouting. She's not even sure if her words make sense between the swearing and tears. She's doesn't even know why she is so angry but she thinks it might be due to the fact that she wants to feel something other than sadness.

She's halfway through a sentence - that out of all this time, the one rule Joshua won't break, it's the most important one - when he slaps her.

"You're not the only one grieving, Shiki," he hisses and Shiki much prefers him this way, an angry Joshua is so more real than a sad one.

In her peripheral hearing, something is said by a couple, friends, a family, she doesn't care. It's what they said

"It's such a wonderful day," Shiki repeats softly and she almost wants to laugh.

She couldn't find that sentence anymore Ironic.

**Wow much angst…well I hope. Anyway this angst can be blamed on Amulet Misty aka Dina who showed me angsty songs and then this plot bunny popped up. Anyway go check her out because she writes Neshiki way better than I do.**

**I wrote over half of this in June but then I couldn't figure out how to end it so I left it until a week ago, where I got an idea for the cover and then got reinspired OTL.**

**On the cover note thanks to MerlinaTheWitch for letting me use and really manipulate her lovely Neshiki drawing, thanks so much.**

**Thanks for Reading,**

**Tash  
08/09/2014**


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